Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
