Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Randomize