I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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