I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
