We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
