Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
