She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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