She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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