I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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