your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We left an ass print on the piano.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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