They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
