i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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