I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
