Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize