she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
