he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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