so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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