I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
a search helicopter?!
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
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