Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
