Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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