Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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