I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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