Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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