Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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