what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize