dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
