drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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