While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
