I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
