What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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