those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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