think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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