remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
