Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
