We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
