i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
