one two three fourrrrnication!
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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