..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I don't think brook has ever known best
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
