Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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