She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
