My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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