we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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