how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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