just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize