every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
