There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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