I want to walk on stilts...naked
please come you make the beer taste better
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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