I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
