Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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