Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
