If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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