and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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