I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
40s are totally the cure
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
