Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
