He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We're too hungover to prance.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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