Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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