There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
