Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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