So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
