If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
