david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
