i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
