Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
