Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
