Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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