found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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