I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
