So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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