u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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